


Love Builds. Hate Destroys.

by Auroras5tar



Series: Ateez Comfort/Sickfics [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hongjoong Feels Guilty, M/M, Panic Attacks, no beta we die like men, yeosang and his drone makes an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 11:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22495522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auroras5tar/pseuds/Auroras5tar
Summary: One day San searches his name up on Twitter. What he finds isn't what he was expecting.Inspired by San saying he looks up his name on Twitter a lot.
Relationships: Choi San/Kang Yeosang, Choi San/Kim Hongjoong, Choi San/Park Seonghwa
Series: Ateez Comfort/Sickfics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636675
Comments: 14
Kudos: 289





	Love Builds. Hate Destroys.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote half of it a couple weeks and finished it last night. 
> 
> If you have anything you want to see, I can take requests through twt, curiouscat, or comments.

Ateez had just finished their schedule for the day and were currently in the van on the way home. Everyone was asleep besides San, who was looking through Twitter. More specifically: his name on Twitter. He saw a lot of good things from Atiny, but he was also seeing some hate. He couldn’t help but read the negativity. It might have been him, but it seemed most of it was pointed at him. Of course, there was hate for other members with his name mentioned in the tweet, but he skimmed over those. His grip tightened on his phone, and his breathing became shaky and uneven as he read some particularly nasty comments. He couldn’t stop reading as they drove to their dorms and barely noticed when they pulled up.  


When the car parked in front of their dorms, San snapped out of his own little world and took his time getting out of the van so that the others could get a jumpstart on their nightly routines. He didn’t want them to notice if something was wrong with him. No one had noticed that San took forever to get out, everyone stuck in their half-asleep stupor as they entered the lobby and waited for the elevator. San told the manager a farewell in order to stall even more as he closed the door behind him and walked inside. He looked up from the ground, where he somehow had managed to stare at the ground as he walked without him having noticed, just in time to see the others all crammed into the elevator as the doors slid close.  


Before the doors completely closed, he caught Hongjoong’s eyes, and the leader’s eyes widened as he finally realized he was leaving San behind. Not like there was much to worry about. They were in their dorm building, but he still saw Hongjoong flinch forward as if he was trying to stop the doors from closing, which didn’t work. He was too late. San felt the numbness from reading the hate creeping up on him once again, which left him feeling sad and empty as he made his way to the elevator and pressed the button. Maybe this was a sign that the guys didn’t actually need him like the tweets said. He went against his better judgement and went back on Twitter as he waited. All he saw were the hate comments, and it made his chest tighten painfully. He couldn’t succumb to a panic attack, though. None of them needed that added stress right now. Of course, he saw Atiny’s positive comments, but they didn’t seem to stick as well as all the negative comments since they were voicing exactly what his insecurities were.  


Getting into the elevator when the doors opened, he pressed his floor button and sank back against the wall, bowing his head. San took deep breaths, putting his phone away for the time being. He had to act fine for the others. He raised his head and put a tired expression on his face, which honestly wasn’t that hard since he really was tired, as he heard the elevator doors open. He was slightly surprised to see Hongjoong standing there, worrying his lip between his teeth. San forced a small smile as he walked out and slung his arm over the shorter male as they walked to the apartment.

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice you weren’t in the elevator, San.”

“Ah. It’s fine, Hongjoong hyung. It was my fault anyway. I was too slow to keep up with you guys. You didn’t have to wait for me.”

“I was worried. When you looked up, you looked like you were in pain and sad. Are you ok? You didn’t get hurt, right?”

“I’m fine, hyung. I promise. Go get ready for bed. I know you’re the most tired of us all. You have to keep all of us in shape.”

“Alright. If you say you’re fine.”

San was half-convinced that Hongjoong had a feeling he was lying, but the older didn’t say anything else as they walked into the dorms. Hongjoong slipped out from under his arm and disappeared into the dorm after leaving his shoes in the entryway. San stood there for a few moments before doing the same. He could hear multiple voices in the bathroom, no doubt a mix of people taking their showers and doing their nightly facial routines. That would explain why the living room and kitchen were barren. It sounded like the loudest members were in the bathroom(aka Wooyoung, Mingi, and he just heard Hongjoong enter the bathroom), and he could hear Jongho singing in his room. Yunho was probably asleep already, and Yeosang and Seonghwa were probably in their rooms.  


San made his way into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. Turning away from the counter and leaning back on it, San took his phone out again and continued reading as he sipped the water. He was so tuned into the reading that he didn’t register that he had started crying, nor did he hear the dull whir of a drone. His breath visibly hitched as he read a particularly nasty comment, and the glass slipped from his grasp as he slid down the cabinets to sit on the ground. He didn’t register that he had started hyperventilating or that he was surrounded by glass and water, some blood mixing in since some of the glass shards had nicked him. All he could focus on was the negative words that drilled themselves into his mind.

\------------------

Yeosang had already finished his nightly routine, skipping his facial routine for the night. He didn’t need the nightly face washes like his bandmates. So long as he washed his face in the morning, he was fine. That’s what led him to this moment. He decided to fly his drone around(one with a camera and mic because that’s cool), and he had just flown it into the kitchen when he saw San and the state he was in. He cursed and carefully landed his drone on the counter before rushing out of his room. Knocking on Seonghwa’s door, he barely waited for permission before throwing open the door, making the oldest member jump.

“Yeosangie? What’s wrong? You look panicked.”

“It’s San.”

“What’s San?”

Yeosang didn’t explain, he just grabbed Seonghwa’s wrist, which was out of character for the quieter boy, and he dragged the eldest to the kitchen. Seonghwa took in the drone on the counter and then San on the floor, hyperventilating, and it only took him a few seconds to jump into action. He rushed over to San, slippers making the glass crunch under his feet. He crouched next to San and hesitantly placed his hand on the younger’s arm, not getting a reaction. Seonghwa shook his head and picked up San, knowing he had to move him away from the glass before San could accidentally hurt himself more. He walked out the kitchen but not before pausing at the door, looking back at Yeosang who looked severely concerned and almost panicked himself. Never had Yeosang seen San break down like this.

“Sangie, can you clean up the mess in here while I deal with San?”

Yeosang nodded and started moving around the kitchen to clean up the glass first before mopping up the water. Meanwhile, Seonghwa rushed to his and Hongjoong’s room, shutting the door behind him as he did so. He sat on Hongjoong’s bed since his was the bottom bunk and placed San on his lap, wrapping his arms around the younger and rubbed San’s back as he let San nuzzle into his neck for a while.

“Sannie, Sannie, can you hear me?”

He waited a little while before he felt the slight nod against his neck, and Seonghwa smiled softly at San’s actions.

“You’ve got to breathe. Can you take deep breaths for me? In… Out… Just like me. Ok?”

Seonghwa took slow, deep breaths, and he felt San place a shaky hand on his chest to further help him breathe deeply in order to stop hyperventilating. It took a little while, but soon, all San was doing was crying and trembling and sniffling. The younger of the two finally wrapped his arms around Seonghwa and gripped the back of his hoodie tightly as he cried while Seonghwa gently rocked them sideways, humming quietly.

Soon, Yeosang walked in quietly with Shiber and a first aid kit in his hands. He closed the door and walked over to the bed. He sat down next to the two and unfolded Shiber so that he was in pillow form, gently prying one of San’s hands away from Seonghwa and slipping the stuffed dog in between the two before putting San’s arm back where it was. The action elicited a small, watery giggle from San, which made the older two smile softly at each other. San was slowly feeling better.

That was when Hongjoong walked in, laughing at something that had happened in the bathroom before the leader quieted down at the sight in front of him. He closed the door quickly and took in the scene, sending Seonghwa an inquisitive look. Seonghwa simply shook his head slightly as Yeosang moved to kneel next to the two, opening the first aid kit. He got out disinfectant and band aids before placing his hand on San’s calf.

“Sannie, you got yourself cut by the shards of glass. I’m gonna clean the cuts, ok? It may sting a little”

San shifted in Seonghwa’s lap but nodded with a sniff. Yeosang looked at Seonghwa for confirmation, and the elder relayed the answer to Yeosang. The visual nodded and started humming quietly as he got started tending to the cuts on one of San’s legs, making sure there was no glass embedded into the skin. Hongjoong felt a wave of guilt wash over him as he started putting the pieces together. He knew San was not ok, but he still let him go off on his own. From the slightly raspy breaths he could hear, it sounded like San had had a panic attack. 

Hongjoong felt his face twist in guilt before he walked over and kneeled on San’s other side. Yeosang silently placed the first aid kit where both of them could reach it, and Hongjoong started tending to the cuts on San’s other leg. San was now just laying on Seonghwa’s shoulder quietly, no more tears falling. He jolted a bit as Hongjoong’s cold hands touched his other leg with no warning but quickly relaxed as the older male apologized quietly. San hummed dismissively as he basked in the quiet comfortings of the other 3, knowing that he would have to explain what had happened soon. Too soon.

“Sannie? Are you ready to talk about what caused your panic attack?”

San hugged Seonghwa tighter and screwed his eyes shut. He felt the bed dip on both sides, and a hand rubbing his thigh while a hand started playing with his hair. He sniffed before speaking.

“It’s dumb.”

“San, nothing that upsets you is dumb.”

Hongjoong spoke with a hard edge, his leader qualities making an appearance in the conversation. It made San sigh and nuzzle into Seonghwa more.

“Twitter.”

He said it so softly that he wasn’t sure if anyone had heard him, but he felt Seonghwa sigh softly and squeeze him lightly before he spoke.

“Sannie, what have we said about Twitter hate?”

“That it doesn’t matter…”

“Exactly.”

The hand in his hair paused before resuming, presumably getting lost in thought for a moment. He was surprised to hear Yeosang’s voice.

“San, I know a lot of the hate must have hit dead on your insecurities. You have to be able to control yourself from reading the hate. Look to Atinys for positivity and love. They say lovely things about all of us… albeit sometimes a little weird and excessive. But love builds. Hate destroys. Only you can control what happens to you by controlling what you read.”

The room stilled for a moment, and San could tell the elder two were looking at Yeosang. He moved to unwrap himself from Seonghwa and look at Yeosang as well before giving a small smile and leaning over, hugging the visual tightly. He could hear Hongjoong and Seonghwa chuckling, no doubt at the expression Yeosang was sporting, but he didn’t care. He kept hugging Yeosang until he felt arms around him, giving him a gentle pat before he pulled away and latched back onto Seonghwa.

"Thank you, Sangie. That means a lot. I'll… I'll try."

The room was silent once more, and San had almost fallen asleep before he felt the hand on his thigh move to his back and rub gently. 

"Sannie, why did you tell me you were fine earlier? I told you that you looked upset. Why didn't you just tell me the truth?"

San tensed up before relaxing again and mumbling quietly. 

"Hyung, you already have so much on your plate. Didn't want to be a burden. Didn't want to add to your troubles."

"Sannie… you know you can talk to me. You're never a bother. OK? You are my younger brother, and I love you. Family is not a burden. Next time tell me straight up. OK? Maybe we can prevent this in the future."

"OK, hyung."

"Good. Now that I've got that out the way. Come here. I want cuddles, too."

San giggled and shifted from Seonghwa's lap to Hongjoong's as he kept a hold on Shiber. He folded himself to curl up against the leader's chest, and he felt himself get lulled back to sleep as the other two left the room and then came back. Slowly, he felt himself get lowered to lay on the bed and Hongjoong placing the blankets over them. San also felt a presence next to the bed that bent over and placed a kiss to the top of his head before moving away. He sleepily grabbed Seonghwa's wrist and tugged weakly. 

"Hwa hyung, stay."

There was a moment of silence where Hongjoong and Seonghwa must've been doing their silent conversation thing before Hongjoong moved over and rolled them onto their sides. San felt Seonghwa slide in behind him and a hand get thrown over him and Hongjoong. Another kiss was placed to his forehead, this time by Hongjoong, and he managed to whisper out a phrase before falling asleep. 

"I love you, hyungs."

What San didn't hear was the soft mumbled replies from the older two as they shared a small smile over San's head.

"Sleep well, Sannie... Good night, Hongjoong."

"We love you, too, San. Good night, Seonghwa."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/5tarspromise) and [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/5tarspromise)!


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